A good wife is always an equal…even though this is a man’s world.
Never walk behind your husband.
Always walk beside him.
A good wife is her husbands partner in crime, best friend, advocate, attorney, and playmate.
It is important to make sure you maintain a constant and equal presence.
If you have a dream, chase after it.
If you have a career work it like its your hardest.
Make sure you and your husband support one another in your life quests.
Whatever you do, make sure that you and your husband do everything possible to make your relationship equal.
Good wives are equal wives.
Curing a Pornography Addiction
So, my husband thought he was slick by looking at pornography behind my back.
Not that I check his internet history or anything (I check it every day religiously).
Anyhow, I noticed that he not only had 200+ porn sites in his favorites but he also looks at porn daily.
At first I was angered. Why doesn’t he just like me? Why can’t he just be happy with me.
Then I remembered being little, and sneaking around watching R rated movies, and drinking underage. All of those things were more fun because I wasn’t allowed to do them.
SO, I applied this to his porn “addiction”.
I talked to him about it, I told him it was completely fine with me if he looked at internet porn.
Yesterday, I took a nap, and I gave him “permission”…I said “You should go look at all of those sites you like while I’m sleeping”.
When I woke up he told me “you know, looking at porn wasn’t very fun today, I don’t know if its because I had permission or what, but its not doing it for me”.
CURED.
I’m forcing my husband to eat healthier (we’re both doing this)
Each day I pack his lunch (this by no means is intended to set the female population back 15 years, its just if I don’t pack it- he eats like an asshole).
So here is a lunch recipe for you!
Caesar Turkey Wrap
1 serving View Nutrition Facts
Ingredients
- 1 large (10-inch) whole-grain tortilla
- 2.5 ounces sliced turkey breast
- 1/2 cup shredded romaine lettuce
- 1 tablespoon Caesar salad dressing
- 1 small apple
Directions
Make it: Fill tortilla with turkey, lettuce and dressing. Serve with apple.
(I also add turkey bacon to this, for something extra) Tomato, or other veggie faves are nice too.
Typically I serve this with my choice of fruit, a 100 calorie snack pack, yogurt, and something else healthly like cheese or a granola bar. (This is intended for all day snacking).
His urine lands everywhere but the commode.
Husband of mine, oh husband of mine,
If you go into our bathroom and stand next to the shower you will see this thing that some call a commode.
Its great, its got a vaccuum within it and water, and anything you put inside of it is suctioned down.
What does this mean?
Well for one, this should be your first stop before you get in the shower every morning (don’t think I haven’t figured out your game).
Secondly, when you urinate, aim for this large hole.
I’m not sure how it happens, but pee winds up on the floor, walls, mirror, really?
I don’t want you to think that I am complaining. I’m not, I love the sunshine yellow color that our floor can sometimes be.
I just wanted to share with you the wonderment that is that white hole.
The Mexican Standoff- Handling unwanted issues within your home…
My husband can be the most annoying pig that has ever walked this planet.
Do not misunderstand me.
I love him.
He is kind, he is funny, and more than anything he is absolutely beautiful.
However, he is also self absorbed, rude, and mentally still a 21 year old bachelor.
Thus, bringing me to the task at hand.
Training.
Training is not always easy when you are dealing with a man, it has to be done subtly, it has to be done without him realizing.
(Note: he is not that smart, pulling the wool will be quite simple).
A common issue in many households are items such as dishes that land 5 inches from the dishwasher, laundry that winds up on the bathroom floor rather than it its designated area, and empty rolls of toilet paper that are just left, and you stumble upon them when it is quite urgent.
This is what brings me to the Mexican Standoff- the trick to making your husband do things without even asking him to.
So, you notice that he leaves his dirty clothes on the floor. You want to pick them up, you do. DON’T.
DON’T change the toilet paper roll if he was the last one to touch it, and DO NOT allow yourself to wash his dishes that he left 5 inches from the dishwasher.
Though it might drive you insane you must let these items accumulate:
force him to go to the distance and put toilet paper on the roll.
force him to make sure his laundry winds up where it is supposed to, and force him to do those damn dishes.
You cannot allow yourself to cater to his behaviors or he will never learn.
Its like having a puppy. Doing his chores is reinforcing negative behavior.
TOUGH IT OUT IF IT KILLS you, eventually this man will do what it is you expect. He’ll learn the rules, and he’ll follow them.
The Rules for being a “good wife”…
1. Be capable of anticipating each and every one of your husbands needs.
2. Never complain, get angry, raise your voice or express yourself.
3. Never ask questions.
4. Wake up an hour before your husband each morning, shower, and make yourself look nice, your husband should never see you without makeup.
5. Have dinner and a drink ready for your husband when he arrives home after a long day of work.
6. Stay in shape, husbands love small waists and toned and muscular bodies.
7. Have sex with your husband any time he asks you to.
8. Make sure you always appear less intelligent than your husband, its important to keep his self esteem afloat.
9. Let your husband control the finances, seriously, it will make your life much easier.
10. Keep your husbands favorite things on hand. You never know when he might run out of something he really needs.
11. Dress sexy. When you clean up- wear high heels, and revealing outfits.
12. Never burp, expel gas, or perform any other bodily function in front of your husband.
13. Always act as a hostess when your husband has friends around.
14. Let him be the boss.
15. Always smell amazing, men like that.
